Ryan McKee’s favorite songs of 2008: Girl Talk “Play Your Part,” Cold War Kids “Something is Not Right with Me,” The Hold Steady “Stay Positive,” Noah and the Whale “Five Years Time,” Kanye West “Amazing,” and Fleet Foxes “White Winter Hymnal.”

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Bennie Arthur
Editor’s note: I was supposed to write a piece on Badass Presidents for Askmen.com. I knew my good buddy Bennie is a wealth of Presidential info, so I asked for some suggestions. Then I realized Cracked.com had beat me to it and the idea was scratched. However, I liked Bennie’s list so much, I’m publishing it here. 

I guess my top 10 badass presidents would be -

1) Theodore Roosevelt - the dude was a man’s man who was larger than life and then decided you know what there should be canal in Panama b/t the Atlantic and Pacific. Oh, that’s not part of our country? All well, let’s build it anyway. And he carried a big stick and then died years later after his trip up the Amazon. BAD ASS!

2) George Washington - First president and a bad ass general who help us get our independence from the Brits. He was such a bad ass that many Americans wanted to make him King. He also set up the Two Term policy for president by not choosing to run after his second term. Now that’s bad ass.

3) Andrew Jackson - Another bad ass general who before he became president defeated the Brits in New Orleans and invaded Florida without consent from out government. Florida was ruled by Spain at that time and essentially by invading it forced Spain to give us Florida. And then during his presidency South Carolina tried to secede, so he threatened to lead the army into South Carolina to prevent them from seceding. And his nickname was Old Hickory. Now, that’s a bad ass.

4) Abraham Lincoln - The dude saved our country and freed the slaves and was shot and killed by a famous actor of the day. Total bad ass!

5) Franklin Roosevelt - Saved our country from the depression, saved the world from the Nazis, longest term as president, and all of this while he was suffering from Polio. I wish I was that bad ass.

6) James K. Polk - Underrated, Secured the Oregon Territory (Oregon and Washington) went to war with Mexico and ended up purchasing from Mexico the land that is California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico and a part of Colorado. He worked so hard as president that he chose not to run for a second term and was so burnt out that he died 103 days after he left office. Now that’s bad ass. I might make him number 1 actually.

7) James Garflied - This guy only served a few months but I say he’s a bad ass ’cause he was assassinated but after he was shot he survived for several weeks and even had Alexander Graham Bell come up with the first metal detector to try and find the bullet that was lodged in his chest. He eventually died but surviving that long in those days after that much of a severe wound is pretty bad ass.

Bill Clinton - Got a bj in the oval office. That’s pretty bad ass.

9) James Monroe - This guy didn’t get a bj in the oval office but he was enough of a bad ass to make a doctrine to basically tell the European nations not fuck with our hemisphere. We were still kind of weak country back then military wise so for him to state that was pretty bad ass.

10) Tie b/t John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan - both were shot so that’s bad ass. Reagan survived obviously but JFK stood up to the Soviets when they put missiles in Cuba, stated that we were going to the moon when it still kind of seemed impossible and fucked Marilyn Monroe. That’s bad ass. Reagan on the other hand was an actor of such films as Bedtime for Bonzo, was a cowboy, helped our relations with the Soviets, and died of Alzheimer’s. Now that’s bad ass

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Troy Conrad

My wrong ones:

McCain would be replaced as the nominee due to ‘health reasons’ in the weeks before the election.

Palin was selected only to later be assassinated under a plan by rove. (this one was far out, crazy, and wrong, yet my tin foil hat was buzzing.

Others yet to be seen:

Palin is on crystal meth.

Pat Tillman was murdered by a fellow soldier after arguing with one of them about politics and/or accountability for war crimes committed by said troop (s)

Rush Limbaugh has sex with young boys and/or girls in south america, that fat fuck.

Children are fatter because of the rBGH in almost all of the u.s. milk supply.

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by Ryan McKee

I got this flyer the first weekend we moved into our New York place.

I drew this.

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I saw this flyer years ago on a post in Venice, CA and laughed so hard that I grabbed it. Recently I found while moving and thought I’d share.

Why did Francisco that it’s a good idea promote himself by letting a goat walk across his ass? Who the hell owns a goat in Venice Beach? And if you did, would you want it walking across a strange Latin man’s ass? Would you hire even the most responsible goat herder to watch your house? Obviously not. No one had ripped off a tab with his phone number.

 

by Ryan McKee

My blog

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by Ryan McKee

Jay-Z
Diddy
Bill Ayers
Ahmad Rashād
New Yorker illustrator Barry Blitt
Anybody else named “Hussein”
Obama Girl
“Married” California gay couples
James Frey (asked by Oprah’s people)
Cubs fan who caught the foul ball and ruined their chances at the 2003 World Serie

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I’ve shied away from blogs in the past, preferring to read books, magazines, and Internet pornography. But now with a recent move to New York City and a new workload of internet writing, I’ve been reading some amazing blogs. My favorite right now is Molls … She Wrote.

Here’s my blog: What We’re Talking About When We’re Not Talking About Anything. My humor writing and comedian interviews (when I finally do some new ones) will remain on this website, but I’ll have daily posts over there. Check it out and add me to Your Neighborhood.

Oh, and look for me on Facebook

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Ryan McKee’s list

10.   At least your wife is still kinda hot

9.     Do you know that maverick also means “motherless calf”?

8.     Have Cindy get you one of the 100 million beers she owns.

7.     So  . . . Palin? You hit that shit, right?

6.     Can a nigga get a table dance?

5.     Yo, Bill Ayers says to watch your back

4.     Ever listened to Public Enemy’s Fear of a Black Planet?

3.     Raise your hands if you’re sure . . . oh, wait, you can’t.

2.     Now you’ll have time to go hunting with Ted Nugent

1.      How much do you want to punch Palin right

 

 

Tara Munson’s list:

10.   How’d you get my number?
9.     This is McCain? You mean McLoser?
8.     Hard to believe that “this one” won, isn’t it?
7.     Hey, I just talked to Bush and he even voted for me.
6.     By the way, Michelle told me to tell you: “Fuck off”
5.     On the bright side, John, you won’t have much time to feel bad about this because you’re going to die soon
4.     Look, if you need some money, I still have some left over from the 700 million we raised to beat you.
3.     We should run against each other again in 2012.
2.     John, you should go back to being a POW. People admired you for that.
1.     Eat me

 

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When celebrities like George Clooney or Phil Spector (totally hip, relevant celebrities) endorse a political candidate, it’s one thing. But when completely nameless, out-of-work Republican “celebrities” go to Minnesota to “reclaim” their good name away from Al Frankan . . . c’mon, who put this campaign together. Really? Does even one Republican recognize Victoria Jackson from her brief six-year stint on Saturday Night Live. And for those who don’t recognize the sarcasm . . . six years is not normally “brief,” yet Jackson’s tenure was exactly that.

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 This PSA is supposed to warn parents about their teenage cocaine use. However, the girl in the ad is beautiful. She’s skinny, well-dressed, healthy-looking, and owns a great mirror. If she were my daughter, I’d say she has her shit together.

If they really wanted to scare parents, they should have used a picture of Heather Graham from the end of Boogie Nights.

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